Don't Give Up
by XFoxMuldersGirlX
Summary: Scully has a secret... but like all secrets they don't stay hidden for long. Without giving too much away - this is a link to the dress on my profile :0  Hope you like it  and the story of course


Disclaimer: I own nothing :0( (only what happens to be in my imagination) All characters belong to Chris Carter except the two mini Sculders at the end - they are all mine and I *heart* them :0)

Don't Give Up

Post I Want To Believe

Dana Scully returned home from the hospital to find Fox Mulder packing suitcases.

"Do you still want to get away from the darkness Scully?" He asked knowing the answer

"You know I do" The all too recent events of the FBI case still too fresh in her memory. She had come to regret the decision to ask Mulder to help on a missing agent case. It had caused, no not _it, _Father Joe, had caused a rift to grow between herself and Mulder and she hated him for it. He had confused her, played her for she _wanted _to believe him, especially when he had told her _don't give up. _But on what - Mulder?, her patient, Christian? Her mind had gone to the extreme possibility that he could have meant -_No…He can't mean…?_ _THAT wasn't a possibility. _

"Yeah. You're right. I do. So here is your passport and in I don't know how many hours we are going to be in Christ Church, that's in Barbados, by the way, checking into the Butterfly Beach Hotel.

Scully stood shell shocked for a split second.

"We. Are. Going. To. Barbados?"

"Yep. Just you, me, your mother and Skinner"

"Oh right…Wait! What? Why is my mother and our old boss coming on holiday with us?" Mulder just smiled, his highly irritating lop-sided grin and said nothing.

? hours later

Butterfly Beach Hotel

Barbados

Room 2012

"Mulder! Tell what the hell is going on?" Scully had been asking him the same question for hours and still hadn't got anywhere with the answer. _Has she completely how stubborn I can be?_

"If you don't tell me Mulder, you are so dead!"

"Think about what you just said Scully. If I'm dead you are never going to get any answers are you?"

"Fine. Sure. Whatever. I don't want to know now anyway. I'm going to lie down"

Mulder laughed as she stalked off

"Scully!" She didn't even turn to look but carried on walking.

"I love you Scully" Mulder heard her mutter something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like _Bastard_ but he couldn't be sure.

Scully was awoken by the sound of boxes falling and Mulder yelling. She got up off the bed and stood in the door way, watching Mulder pick up boxes and lids with such a funny look on his face she couldn't help but giggle despite for present feelings towards him.

Oh crap! Scully turn around! You are not supposed to see it yet"

"See what Mulder?" Scully asked as she turned her back to him.

"Oh! Err, nothing! It's ok now you can turn around"

All boxes had their lids firmly back on when Scully turned to face Mulder. In his hands he held a large flat box tied with a large lace bow. He offered her the box with a slightly embarrassed look on his face.

"Here, Scully. I've bought you something" Scully took her present and as she removed the lace and lid she saw the most beautiful dress she had ever laid her eyes on, hiding underneath sheets of tissue paper.

"Oh Mulder!" was all she could manage. He head swam with the sight of yards and yards of champagne silk, and a rose covered empire line.

Mulder held the dress up for her and decided that _now_ was the time to explain what was going on.

"This is the reason that your mum and Skinner are here, Scully" pointing at the dress.

"I'm not following" Scully answered. Mulder sighed and took a deep breath.

"They are here as witnesses" He saw the look of confusion grow deeper on Scully's face.

"I want to marry you Scully. And I want to marry you while you are wearing _this _dress!" Scully's eyes grew wide as realisation dawned on her.

"Ohhh! So that's why my mother and Walter Skinner are on the next floor…We're getting married. I can see you need for an oath of silence now. If you had told me back home then I might not have come. But now that I'm stuck here and stuck with you, I might as well find _something_ to do to pass the time."

As she was talking she had slowly started moving towards Mulder until she was millimetres away from him. He wrapped his arms around her.

"Don't squash my dress! She shrieked into his ear as the material got pressed between their two bodies.

Scully took the dress off him and walking back into the bedroom muttered loudly enough for Mulder to hear, words of comfort to her dress "My beautiful, beautiful dress until _he _goes and smooshes you. The great big fat loser "

She laid it in all its Vera Wang beauty on the bed. Walking back to him he successfully wrapped her in his arms, kissed her gently and with a smile asked

"Is that all that this wedding is? Just you passing the time?" Scully smiled as she answered him suggestively.

"Well , we are going to be here for a month and I'm going to get very bored. So I am going to be passing the time with you. Or I could pass it with AD Skinner?"

"Aren't you supposed to love the person you are going to be marrying?"

"Oh yes…I suppose you are. Well then Mulder, I guess you that have your answer. I guess I do like you…a little bit" before seeing the glint in his eyes that told her he wanted more than _I like you a little bit _as her answer.

"Just a little?"

"I guess you got me Mulder" she muttered scatterring kisses all over his mouth.

"I guess I love you…a lot" Mulder smiled at her and returned her kisses with her own.

"I always thought you might"

Two weeks later

Butterfly Beach Hotel

Barbados

Room 2012

"Mulder?" Scully called from the bedroom into the bathroom where he was collecting up their wash bags.

"I'm going down stairs. I need to ring mum and let her know we are coming home early"

Mulder heard her get up and leave closing the hotel door behind her.

Walking into the bedroom, with an arm full of shampoo bottles, toothpaste and hairbrushes etc he dropped them all onto the bed next the open suitcases ready to pack them, along with everything else that needed packing, when he felt the urge to (which wouldn't be until Scully asked him, then moaned at him, then eventually nagged at him) Scully was the one who dealt with the organising and the packing. His job was to watch her while drinking beer and then wait until she had zipped up the cases before pointing out that she had left something out.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, surrounded by mountains of clothing and shoes, Mulder tried to get comfy enough to watch the T.V. After half an hour of so of channel surfing, Mulder realised that Scully hadn't returned from making her call. He was well aware that girls AND their mothers could talk, but not Scully. She didn't gossip. _She has to be on her way back upstairs now. _He wasn't too worried about her. Scully could take care of herself. She always could. Instead Mulder turned off the T.V and sighed at the bomb site around him.

"Oh Well. I'd better do _some _packing. You know, make it look like I at least _tried_ to tidy up"

_Maybe it will cheer her up. Make her feel better. _For some reason unbeknownst to him, Scully had been acting very odd recently. Ever since the start of their honeymoon two weeks ago.

She had looked like an absolute angel at their wedding. Everyone had thought so. The dress was enough decoration so the only jewellery she had had worn was her little gold cross and a headband of matching champagne silk. Her auburn hair, she had kept down, so it framed her tiny bare shoulders. He had meant every word of his vows and he knew she meant every word of hers too. When it came to exchange rings, he didn't have one for Scully to give him but he gave her a simple silver band with three diamonds set into the ring (one because he loved her in the past before she ever knew it, one because he loved her at this very moment in time and one because he will continue to love her until his dying day and beyond)

That was why it was so hard for him to explain to himself or even to put his finger on what it was because only two weeks ago every thing was just as wonderful as it could have been, but it hurt him deeply. All he got for his efforts where "I'm fine Mulder! Stop asking!", or her personal favourite was "Sure. Fine. Whatever" The worst part of it all was he wasn't allowed to touch her now. She walked away from him if he tried to hold he hand, she flinched each time he tried to put his arms around . Night time was unbearable. Scully would get her pyjamas on and get straight in bed, plant a quick kiss on his lips, say "I love you Mulder" turn over and go to sleep. No touching, no stroking, no kissing, no nothing! She was never a nympho but sex was always available whenever either of them wanted it. Recently though, Scully didn't want it, never wanted it, which was leading Mulder to think that she didn't want _him. _And now she wants to cut the honeymoon short and go back home to see her mum . Mulder didn't want to of course but if it was going to make her happy… he would do anything for her. If only she knew. Since agreeing to go home Scully had been a little happier Mulder had noticed but she still wasn't _his_ Scully, the Scully he had fallen in love with so many years ago.

While he was contemplating his disastrous honeymoon Mulder began picking up handfuls of clothing and began stuffing them in the suitcase. Next he moved onto the piles of beach towels.

A small white envelope was tucked in between several towels. It fell to the floor as he lifted the pile. Mulder bent down to pick it up. On the front of the envelope in Scully's small neat hand where written three letters FOX. Unfolding the piece of paper from inside the envelope, Mulder began to read.

_Please don't hate me for doing this….I couldn't think of any other way to tell you. I'm so scared Mulder. Scared that if I told you face to face, I might not be able to find the strength to do it, and I have to do it Mulder. I have to tell you. Don't think any less of me for treating you this way, please…I couldn't bear it if you were to hate me._

Mulder felt the panic start to rise in his stomach _She can't be doing this. Not Scully…She doesn't run away from problems…away from me._

Taking a deep breath, he continued to read

_I have to be on my own for a little while, just so that I can believe it's really happening. I'm just so scared its all a lie, just a dream… and that if I say the words out loud then the dream will shatter and we will have nothing left. Like before. I've been seeing my life through a window - everything I wanted or thought I wanted has been on the other side of the glass and I've never fully been able to touch it. Until now. _

_He meant me, Mulder. He told me to not give up but not about you, he never meant you …but I had given up. I had given up all hope and I'm so very sorry that I had._

_I love you Mulder, I do… never, ever doubt that and forever will I be your "Dearest Dana" … but everything is changing._

The words on the page were blurred where Scully's tears had fallen. Mulder placed his fingers lovingly on the watery marks. The words he was reading were tearing his heart into shreds but at least it hadn't been easy for her to read either.

_I thought if I could write the words and tell you then it would be easier for the both of us, that if I could see the words written down I could really start to believe them…believe that they are actually true and that this is actually happening…_

_I am pregnant._

Mulder stared at the last line of the letter, not understanding what he had just read. Surely Scully was leaving him? THAT was what the letter had said. That she had realised the mistake she had made by marrying him. THAT was why she wanted to go home early - she was miserable with him and she wanted to leave as soon as she could!

He read and re-read the letter countless times. Each time understanding a little more, why Scully was so scared to tell him and why she had been so very un-Scully recently.

"I am Pregnant" his voice, a mixture of wonder and disbelief. _Scully is pregnant._

Reality finally hit him as he whispered to the room "My WIFE is pregnant"

Presently he heard the hotel door click. Looking up he saw his wife, standing in the bedroom doorway.

"You haven't left me then" smiled Mulder.

"Huh?"

"I thought you had run off and left me, you where gone so long. I was going to send a search party downstairs for you"

It was clear to Mulder that Scully wasn't listening to a word he was saying. She had seen that the pile of towels she had been folding earlier had been moved and began looking for her letter under the pretence of continued packing. _Where is it? I'm sure I left it around here? Oh God, where have I put it?_

Mulder saw what she was doing and realised why she was doing it.

"Scully…" His voice was soft and caring. Scully stopped her frantic "tidying" and looked at her husband.

"I have it Scully…I found it. I know…"

Immediately her eyes overflowed with tears and she broke down.

"You weren't supposed to find it Mulder" she cried in uncontrollable sobs.

" Not yet…I was going to give it to you… but not yet." Mulder rushed to her side and put his arms around her, he held her without any fear of rejection. He rested his cheek on her head and held her as though her would never let go.

"I'm so sorry Mulder…for everything…for how I have been. I was just so scared it wasn't really happening, that if I let you touch me I would put a curse the baby somehow and something terrible would happen. I didn't want that to happen. I want this baby Mulder… I want this baby so bad. I'm just so scared. So, so scared Mulder, that it's going to be taken away from me again. I can't go through that again Mulder…I died the day William was taken from us and I just couldn't survive if it happened again"

"I know…I know. Shhh" He wanted to say so much more to comfort his heartbroken wife but found that he couldn't. He understood her reasons, and why she was so scared to believe in her pregnancy but found words to be inadequate. All he could do was what he knew - and just continued to hold her and stroke her long titian hair for as long as she needed him to.

Scully's tears slowed and he felt her breathing return to normal. Still, she said nothing until she lifted her head level with Mulder's ear and whispered

"That's what he meant Mulder…Father Joe. He meant not to give up on another miracle"

Fox and Dana Mulder's residence

4 weeks later

"Does your mum know about the baby? Mulder asked the top of Scully's head. Scully untangled herself from his arms. It felt so good to be held by him again. The deathly fear that had been her constant companion for the past six weeks or so was slowly beginning to leave her. It hasn't been easy though, with the nightmares about her pregnancy and the slight paranoia that comes with being married to Fox Mulder. Changing her position slightly on the couch so she could face her husband she shook her head.

"No. I haven't told her." was her reply.

She added quickly,

"I couldn't…Oh Mulder. I can't. I can't tell her " She had a panicky notion that Mulder was judging her.

"Hey. I know…It's ok" He smiled at her. One of his best - the one that made her melt every time he used it. Leaning over, her kissed her and stroked her tummy.

"Shall I let her know she's going to be a grandma….Again?" Scully just kissed him back and nodded her gratitude.

Mulder picked up the phone and dialled his mother-in-laws number.

"_Hello?"_

"Hi Maggie. Its Mulder"

"_Hello dear. How are you? Did you enjoy your honeymoon? Dana said you were coming home early. Is everything ok?"_

"I'm fine thank you. The honeymoon was lovely" Mulder cringed at that.

_I can't tell you the truth - that your daughter was a complete troll bitch from hell for the entire time. Oh but don't worry, she only acted like that because she found out she was pregnant and was absolutely petrified, due to past experiences, that she was going to lose the baby! _

"That's why I have rung actually. I have something to tell you - While we were there Dana found out she was pregnant. Congratulations - Your going to be a grandma. Again"

"_Oh Fox! That's wonderful news! It really is. Congratulations. Is Dana there? Can I speak to her?"_

"With what she had to go through with William she asked me to tell you as she is still a little upset and fragile about the whole thing. She wakes up in the middle of the night convinced it's all a dream, that it isn't really happening. Its understandable though"

"_Of course it is Fox. I understand. I will let Charlie and Bill know the good news. Tell her I send my best wishes and to ring me when she feels ready to talk. Bye dearest"_

"I will do. Thanks Maggie. Bye"

Mulder turned to the tiny redhead in his arms and was overwhelmed by the love that he saw in her pretty little face.

"Thank you" was all she said, then buried herself into his arms again and fell asleep.

Mulder kissed the top of her head and soon fell asleep himself, hands protectively resting, albeit unconsciously, on his wife stomach, where the tiniest of bumps was beginning to show.

**( I apologise for the huuugggeee gap in the story but seeing as I have never been through labour or ever been pregnant (nor do I actually want to - ewww!) I didn't want to spoil it with my lack of baby brain. So I am very sorry to disappoint any of you who were expecting a gory birth scene - I ain't gonna happen :0) )**

7 ½ months and 17 hours later

St Mary's Maternity Hospital

Dana Mulder sat in the hospital holding her tiny baby son in her arms.

William Fox Mulder (number two) was born on Wednesday 30th September weighing 7lb 8oz and was the absolute image of his father. His eyes oddly enough were his mothers, a deep ocean blue, but the rest his big hands and feet he definatly got off his dad. He had the same unruly mass of dark hair that she loved so much. His sister on the other hand, who was being held by her father, was born 45 minutes later weight 6lb 6oz and had her mothers rosebud mouth and the same copper toned hair. She had inherited her fathers emerald green eyes. Her name, her father chose, Melissa Samantha Margaret.

Scully remembered something she had heard from Mulder, the night William was conceived, about a single moment which leads to another and another and how every moment in your life leads to something. Her somethings had led her right here.

Looking at her husband and then down at her children and seeing her past, present and future in their faces, she decided that she wouldn't _couldn't_ ever change a moment of her life.

Well except, during labour when she was screaming at Mulder about this being his fault and then he had muttered something about "kept your legs closed then" and "enjoyed it at the time" He retracted them quick enough when he saw the look that she gave him. THAT she could have done without, Mulder and his smart mouth comments.

Mulder, sitting with Scully and holding his babies, thought he had never felt more proud of Scully as he felt right then, or thought she looked more beautiful than she did sitting on the bed in a hospital gown. He told her so but all get got as a reply was

"I've had no sleep in…God, I don't know how long, I've got no make up on, trying to get a comb through my hair would take a miracle and you think I've never looked better?"

"Absolutely I do! Look what you have done Dana? Look what you have given me. No one else but you could have given me these beautiful, tiny, perfect babies. You're beautiful and I love you Dana Mulder!" The look of absolute pride and love was etched onto his face for all to see and

Scully smiled at him, her eyes sparkling.

"I love you Mulder but here's the thing - I'll never be as beautiful as our children or _you_ when you tell me that you love me"

The End


End file.
